Don't Follow My Lead

In a weird Survivor-type game, now I stand alone, waiting to depart into the unknown.

At first a friend of mine, wanted to say goodbye, and we did.  About a month ago.  One person of the list, the first of many goodbyes to come. 

One of the sites I managed, and I took a special liking too.  One of my favorite place to help out at, they say goodbye to me when we thought would be our last time that I would be doing on site help. They gave me a small notebook that I’m taking with me to write my thoughts offline or for something more private.   I liked that office.

Then my co-workers gave me a goodbye, it felt like a 1,000 goodbyes spread out over my last week at work.  I’ve been so busy since I quit my job, that I haven’t even realized what is like to wake up in the mornings and not go to work.   Only reason why I know I don’t work, is because it feels like there’s a virus in my bank account, all the money coming out, no more coming in.  I’ll miss their jokes, and their banter.  Specially when we picked on the “new” guy.

My Ultimate Frisbee friends also join in, in the goodbyes, they planned for a pot luck at one of the player’s house.  It was a happy filled night among them.  Every Sunday morning that I knew I would go play Frisbee, it was the best day of the week.  My church.  My weekly Christmas morning.

Afterwards came my Providence friends, my girlfriend planned on a surprise get-together at one of my favorite restaurants in the city.   We reminisce, we talked, and we spend the night, like if we were going to meet again the week after.  Afterwards we went to watch the latest Game of Thrones.   No real fanfare, the way I like it.

Now we were down to Sarah and her family.   The hardest goodbye without a doubt was her 4 year old niece.  Since the moment we met, we basically got along, and I love to bother her.  She became my sous chef, even allowing her near the stove to cook chicken and stir the foods. 

I already asked her in the past, so I knew how hard it would be.

As I’m packing my stuff and ready to head out the door….

Her:  “Uncle Roberto don’t go.”
Me, holding back tears: “I have to go, but I’ll be back.”

Not going to lie, I’m going to miss that little sweetheart.   And without a doubt, I already want to go back just to see her.

Lastly, me and my girlfriend Sarah left to NYC to spend some quality time together before we said our goodbyes.  All I have to say is I’m a lucky man to have met such a strong woman to allow me to do this trip.  I love her for that and many other reasons.  I’ll see you soon sweetheart.  Is only a see you later.

Ever since I have my plans public to go to the other side of the world for an extended period of time, people have been asking me what’s my plan.

Well, the simplest answer is:  I don’t have one.   But let’s try to break it down in certain sections:

When do you leave United States:  May 29th, 2015.   From New York City.

Where are you going first:  Bangkok, Thailand.  Why Thailand?  Well, because it was the cheapest flight to Asia.  Simple as that.  I thought maybe starting in Sydney, Australia would be better.  They speak English, I have a friend living there right now.  But the plane tickets where about $400-$500 more than going to Bangkok.  I thought that maybe, might be cheaper to start in continental Asia and find a cheap flight to Sydney later on.

For how long:  Unknown.   I bought a ONE WAY ticket at the moment.  I quit my job, for this trip.  This is how important this is for me.  I have given up my income, health insurance and safety of the known, for this trip.  I have always thought that I would like to travel for about a year.  So I have been saying to people anywhere from nine (9) to twelve (12) months.  I also reserve my right to call it quits at any point in this journey.  However unlikely, if I’m homesick, I can jump on the next plane back to the US.  Also, however unlikely, if I want to stay a little bit longer, I also reserve that right.  But I doubt either scenario will come to fruition.  I have only so much money for this trip.

Budget:  Hoping to spend about one thousand dollars ($1,000 USD) a month in this trip.  So I have to survive on that, in order to make it happen.  Base on what I’ve been reading, living in South East Asia cost about $30-$35 a day.   Which puts the price point, right around my budget.  So I’m hoping I’m doing good there.  I also have a little extra money for emergencies, but is not much.

Languages:  I speak English and my native Spanish.   Unfortunately Spanish will help me zilch on my trip.   I’m going to the most remote places for Spanish speaking people.  So I will have my ears up for some kind of words in my language.  I guess I could go to the Philippines to hear some mesh of Tagalog/Spanish.   So I’m hoping my English and my phone translator help me the most in this journey.

Places to visit:  Also up in the air.   Here’s a list of countries I would like to visit:

• Thailand (1st stop)
• Cambodia (probably second stop)
• Laos
• Vietnam
• Sydney, Australia
• Malaysia
• Singapore
• Myanmar (Burma)
• India (northeast corner)
• Nepal
• China & Tibet
• Mongolia
• Philippines
• South Korea
• Indonesia

I hope to hit all those countries, but depends on modes of transportation and budget that will limit my stops.   The places I know for sure I’ll be hitting are Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Mongolia.  Mongolia has been a dream of mine, probably since this idea came to me.  It seems so remote and so isolated, it drives me to know what compels Mongolians to live in such area of the world.

Depending on the way the trip takes me, I would like to finish going through Europe, by taking the Trans-Siberian Railway from Beijing to Moscow and into Europe.  This is not a concrete plan, but more of a loose strategy.  I can also decide to travel to South America, and go up the Pacific Coast to go back into the United States.

Also, in the first iteration of my plan, I would go Thailand –> Myanmar –> India –> Nepal, but with the recent earthquake that affected Nepal, unless I can help as a volunteer, it might be better to wait before hitting India and Nepal.

Flexibility is my main weapon.

Equipment:  I have purchased everything that needed to be order.  I will make a post tomorrow (probably) as all the things I’ll be taking with me.

This is it for now, 5 days and counting now…

Today as my first official day as an unemployed guy, I had to do an American thing.

Jury Duty.

In the earliest versions of my draft on when to leave for my trip I chose May 15 as the target day.  And I was pointing towards that day, untl I receive a letter from the state of Massachusetts telling me I have been summoned to be part of this glorious tradition of judging.

I show up today to the Bristol County Justice Center bright and early, only to be let out just a minute into it.   Since I moved out of Bristol County and into the Norfolk County I no longer have to serve my summons.   I’m now in the pool of jurors of the new county.  What happens if they call me when I’m 8,500 miles away?  Is a bridge I’ll have to cross when/if I get there.

Now without a proper job to do, and with less than 2 weeks from my departure, my posts should be happening daily Monday through Friday.  There will also be pictures of my adventures when appropriate and I’ll be creating an Instagram account to post other pictures that don’t fit in the blogs.

Thanks for reading, and being my companions on this journey.

There.  I said it, loudly and publicly.   I have cheated on every single relationship I have ever been on.  Every “I Love You.”  I have ever said has been diminished in power because of the love of my life.

She has been there, even before my first official girlfriend, she came into my life when I was young, around 14 years old.  Can’t say if it was love at first sight, but certainly infatuation. The more I learn about her, the more infatuated I became.   When I was younger and didn’t have a partner in my life, she would tell me her tales, and her knowledge.  She sounded so mature and so exciting.  But I couldn’t give myself to her.  I wanted to, but I was taking the safe route.  I knew we couldn’t be together.  My time in Puerto Rico was mostly with her, dreaming of her, talking about her.

By the time I was leaving Puerto Rico in August of 1999.  I started a long distance relationship.  This is probably the only time she backed off in my life.  She gave me the space I wanted and needed.   I left Puerto Rico to do a U.S. West coast trip, I had a great time with my then-girlfriend.   Came back to Puerto Rico, and a few weeks later I was living in Orlando, Florida.   I thought that with me leaving Puerto Rico my affair would end.

It didn’t, I didn’t know she was such a jealous person.  Thinking of her was always though.  I wanted to be with her.  When I was in between relationships I always wondered what it would be to give myself to her.  She never stopped talking to me.  Nor I stopped saying how I felt about her.  It became my obsession.

We went through some highs or lows.  But always talking and day dreaming together.  When I was in my longest relationship I introduced my affair as a friend.  Someone we could hang out with.  And it worked for a little bit.  My girlfriend didn’t know how strong our relationship was.  Hell, I didn’t know how strong my desire for her was.  Sometimes I would be looking afar, and my girlfriend would wonder what I was thinking about.   I was thinking about her.  In another place.  She would blame one of my friends.  I made her jealous, but she was blaming the wrong person.

When I was in this relationship, my girlfriend got pregnant.  Oh, my affair was livid.  She couldn’t believe we did that.   I thought I lost her forever at this point.  The only time I thought I was going to be done for sure of my affair.  I was afraid this would be our end.  So many years talking and dreaming.  About to go by the wayside.  I’m not going to lie, being this far into the affair and the thought of losing her, didn’t make me the most supporting boyfriend.  If there’s one time I feel regret this would be it.  I created some distance between me and my girlfriend.  When she wanted me there I was feeling sorry for myself.  For that I’m sorry.

The stress of the relationship wasn’t good for my then-girlfriend, the lack of support, and family stress, just wasn’t good for her.  She ended up with a miscarriage.  I have never felt such opposites sides of feelings, happy and relief because my affair wouldn’t end.  Sad and frustrated because I was finally coming around to the idea of being a father figure.  From cutting my ties of my affair and start to accept my place as an adult and a father.

I re-dedicated myself to my girlfriend at this point.  After such a tragic moment in our relationship I said I wasn’t going to fail her again.   And I didn’t for a few years, we had a good run.  I made her happy, and I made her laugh.  But  my thoughts would deceive me.  My mind would wander and eventually my affair came back, and me and my girlfriend were on different path.  She wanted to try a family again, and I was firm that I wasn’t ready.  We broke up.  It was ugly.

I asked my affair if this would be the time for us to finally be together but she said I couldn’t yet.  I wasn’t ready.  But I didn’t want to be alone, so I started other relationships.  I would still introduced my affair as a friend.  Eventually those relationships ended.  Was my affair part of it?  Maybe.   I certainly wasn’t honest with them about it.

At this point in my life, I’m reeling.  I have many questions and many other unfulfilled promises.  I sought out professional help.  And realize how my affair was being toxic in my life.  At this point I also started dating again.  And for the first time I was truthful about my affair with my girlfriend.  I told her how I felt about, and what I needed to do with my affair.  And to my surprise Sarah understood how important this affair was to me.  How it would be part of my life if I didn’t give myself to this other relationship.

Sarah may not understand why I have such a passion for my affair, but she understand what it means to me.  So she accepted me into her life with my baggage.  I promised her I would give my affair an ultimatum.   A real final ultimatum.